Playground Politics (And Trying To Not Get Arrested)

Being a rookie to the parenthood thing, I am not yet accustomed to the politics that apparently go along with children playing together.

On Sunday, Nurse Awesome (NA) and I took her kids and Tuckman to the kids play area at the mall.  I'm always looking for anything to do that's in air conditioning, and I'm sure a lot of other moms were thinking the same thing as the place was packed.

Now, Tuckman being only six months, he was quite content to stay in the Ergo (BTW, BEST CARRIER EVER)and just watch the other kids play.  But Nurse Awesome's kids (a 3 year old boy and 1 year old girl) were out there ready to mix it up.

Despite being crowded, there were plenty of objects to play on and with.  A large lizard thing was a more popular item, closely situated to where NA and I were sitting.

Here's the part where I judge other people's children.  I'm not proud of myself.  Really, it's more of a judgement on the parenting.  But don't judge me for judging.  Can't we all agree that anonymously judging children is acceptable here?

So, it was popular for kids to come and stand on this lizard thing (it is Arizona, after all... the playground has cactus and teepees and stagecoaches to play on, what do you expect?).  But one little boy was territorial.  He didn't want to play on the lizard, he just didn't want OTHER kids to play on it.

To the extent that he would push other kids off of it.

Um, what?

NA and I took to calling him Monkey Boy because he had one of those kid-leash/backpack things (obviously not tethered to a responsible adult) that was in the shape of a monkey.  Also?  He was like five years old and still wearing a diaper (here comes Judgey McJudgerson).

Homeboy was not little.  He was a solid little mass, and he unapologetically shoulder checked anyone playing king of the lizard.  Fortunately, other kids were mellow (including NA's kids) and simply moved on to other play items.

I was watching all this go down, and wondered a) where the heck this kid's parent was, and b) how would I handle it if Tuck got pushed off the lizard?

I'm not going to lie, when I saw Monkey Boy push off a little beanie baby some girl had placed on the lizard's head, I started feeling a little territorial myself.  Must not push a little kid.  Must not push a little kid.  Must not shout out, "Hey @#$hole that's not your lizard!" at a five-year old.

When Monkey Boy kind of butted out NA's son, I had to resist the urge to stand up and shout "will the parent of this miscreant kindly remove him from the civilized children?"  NA's son paid no notice, and even ended up playing a game of chaotic chase with the kid later on.

So, how do these playground politics work, when someone's children are acting like honey badgers?

I mean, I can't just haul up there and push the kid down, right?  Even though he's asking for it, it's still, like, inappropriate to hip-check someone elses child, right?  What if no one is looking?

What if I keep a spray bottle with like a 15 foot water stream, and I just give him a little reminder squirt?

What parent would have a problem with that?  It's not like I'm hurting the kid or anything.  And it's your fault for not supervising them in the first place.  Really, it's you whose put me in this situation.  So you should be apologizing to me, parent-who-obviously-went-shopping-and-abandoned-their-kid.

You've got to train me up on the protocol here, people.  I don't want to get arrested for trying to kidney punch a kindergartener.

PS:  Monkey Boy, you better watch your back.

PPS:  I'm sending some mad love over to my dear friend Nikus, who is having her awesome little eggies retrived today... and she's bringing in deviled eggs to the IVF staff as a treat! How awesome is that?  Go read her blog and wish her luck :-)

PPPS:  Ok, maybe I exaggerated slightly when I said he was five.  He was probably between three and four, and just the size of a 10 year old :-)

PPPS:  If you don't know what I'm talking about with the honey badger, then you HAVE to watch this video.  It made me laugh so hard I snorted. (NOTE: If you're viewing at work, Randall does drop a few bad words, so watch it when the boss isn't around...)

Apparently I'm Not So Much "Irreverent" As I Am "Offensive"

Check out my post over at The Bird Flipper today.

Even people who are aware of my antics are still like "seriously? no thanks".

Le Sigh.

PS:  I made both blogs mobile friendly!  So when I get blocked from your work computers, you can still read me on your smart phones... hurray!

You May Not Be Asking It, But I Know You're Thinking It.

Bleeps, since getting the little Tuckerang back in December, there's been one question I've been getting over and over.

Most people ask it out loud, because they know I'm just one of those folks who will blab anything if you ask it directly.  Other folks are reserved, and politely don't want to pry... especially considering my history.

Speaking of my history, I think it makes folks doubley curious.

Come on, you know what the question is, right?  Just say it out loud.  Get it off your chest.  I know you want to ask.  Can't you feel the suspense?!

"Sooooooo.... ah.... you gonna, uh, do any more?"

I usually respond with "if God is willing and the creek don't rise".

And then...

"Ah.... how long are you going to wait?"

I can feel people's discomfort in prying, but the curiosity gets the better of them.  Not that I can blame, I've mentally asked this question to not only every Infertile Mom I know but pretty much every mom I know.

"Ya going to have any more?  WHEN??"

Hell, my lady bits are all pretty much public knowledge anyways.  Folks are stressed that now I have one, I'm going to dick around for like 10 years and then I'll be S.O.O.L. if I want to start trying again. 

Well, rest assured...

...yes, we'd like to have more.
...no, I'm not waiting 10 years.
...hell no, we're not trying already either.

Look, I'm as excited by my future Secondary Infertility posts as the next guy.  And if Adam had his way, we'd be (ahem) getting back into the game already.  (I think Adam has a biological clock too, if you ask me.)

To be honest, I'm still a little traumatized.  Worried I'd have more losses.  Not to mention, it was tough worrying for 9 months straight.  I was grateful I got the pregnancy experience, but holding your breath for 9 months isn't something I want to repeat anytime soon. 

And... I feel incredibly fulfilled right now.  I'm happy.  Also?  Tired.  I can't imagine the stress of TTC on top of taking care of an infant, plus working, plus rebuilding my meth lab (stupid federal raid). 

I won't wait forever, but I don't see any cervical mucus examinations coming up anytime this year either. 

That said, it was an odd experience at my 6-week check up.  The doctor asks about getting back on birth control.

Say whaaaaaaa????

Birth control?  What an odd concept.  I haven't been on birth control in over 6 years.  I almost laughed at the doctor and said, "Seriously?  What's the point?  Do you know how much chemical intervention it took me to get to this point in the first place?"

But... there are always those stories.  Legend.  Rumor.  My sister's friend's cousin's wife tried for 28 years, had a baby, and then got pregnant again right away.

Could I be that outlier?  I thought about my sweet little man and my 2 hours of sleep the night before.

"Uh, yeah.  Give me the pills."

Have I mentioned how much I hate progesterone?  Stupid mini-pill.  It's like postpartum depression in a tiny green package. 

It's weird!  Trying to do something to AVOID getting pregnant.  What a betrayal to my busted plumbing! 

Alas, it is a short term irritation.

Then will come Cervical Mucus, Part Deux.

No... I'm Lucky Now

Heya Bleeps :-)

So, earlier this week I was having lunch with my fabulous friend Niki (of Nikus Road, check her out... about to do IVF!  Stop by and wish her luck!) and we were just chatting about how being a mom after infertility still makes you a little "different".

Like I wasn't going to be "different", no matter what I did.

But specifically we were commenting on folks who have kids, who always make flippant statements about how "lucky" she is (or I once was) to not have kids... so that she could sleep in, or go out without a babysitter, or see a movie whenever she wants.

Or comments I get to me, asking me how much I miss being able to do all that stuff.  "Bet you miss sleep!" or "Are you lucky you had those extra years of sleep?"

Nah.  I'm lucky now.

Do I miss sleep?  Of course.  Do I secretly plot against the folks who tell me their kid started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, planning to call them at 3 am or find ways to set off their car alarm in the middle of the night?

Yeah.  But I'm up anyways, what else have I got to do?

But I try not to complain.  Because the fact of the matter is, if I never slept another minute for the rest of my (what would become a very short) life, I'd still feel grateful that I've got the Tuckman.  And no amount of sleeping in (or movies or late nights out or binge drinking followed by a ride in the cop car) change that for me.

I'm sure any mom would say that.  Except Casey Anthony.  (Too soon?) 

I still think my infertility made me different.  Yes, I'm exhausted but I savor those midnight snuggles.  And who needs movies out, when the magic of Netflix on your Wii brings The Other Guys right to your TV.  I relish the small moments.  I wondered shortly after Tuckmaster was born, when the "I'm so lucky" would wear off.  But it hasn't. 

Infertility made me gain a kind of gratitude I'm not sure I would have known otherwise.

I marvel at Niki, how she resists the urge to punch the folks who say "You're SOOO lucky you don't have kids because blah blah blabbity blah".  But I remember having to fight the same urges myself.  She just does it with a lot more class than I did, usually just curtly replying "Well, I'll trade ya". 

I look forward to the time when Niki WILL have her own little one, and we'll get together for play dates... and we'll both get to think on those years of "adult fun" and know, it was good while it lasted, but we're luckiest now. 

BTW, check out this picture that Niki snapped when we were walking around the mall.  She picked out this hat for him... doesn't she have great taste?  I think Tuckmeister agrees!