Since Infertile Myrtle Was Already Taken...

Hi. I'm Kate. I think I'm probably one of a million blogs/websites/ritual sacrifices that focuses on infertility. I'm probably not tons different than most of the peeps out there, but I'm sort of hoping that I can bring a little something new to the mix. Or just make you laugh. I'll settle for making you laugh. Because, like firefighters and police officers who HAVE to laugh at all the horrors they see in their jobs, I think you sort of have to find the comedy in all this mess or you'll go insane. Trust me, I did. And then I made a choice. But I digress...

I should probably start with the basics. I'm married to Adam. We've been married almost 7 years, and together for ten. I'll turn 30 in March. And we've been trying to get pregnant for give or take five years. I've had four miscarriages, one ended with a D&C about two months ago. For about nine months or so I've been seeing a fertility specialist. I can get pregnant, but only by using Clomid, but they don't stick around for very long. I've been diagnosed with PCOS for about four years.

So that's the stats, the sob story. I've heard a million success stories. But it doesn't really matter because it's not my success story. And if you're telling me someone else's success story, I'll say how wonderful it is and how much I love hearing these stories. But I don't. I lie to make you feel better and not feel sorry for me.

This is pretty much every conversation I've ever had with any person in the universe who hasn't experienced infertility themselves.

Random Person ("RP", Family, Friend, Stranger, whoever): So do you guys have any kids?
Me: No, not yet. Hopefully someday.
RP: How come? You're not getting any younger (that last part has become more frequent the closer I inch to 30)
Me: Well its not for lack of trying.
RP: You know, once you just relax and stop worrying about it, it will just happen.
Me: Thanks, but I think that philosophy only applies for the first year.
RP: Well how long have you been trying?
Me: (Sigh, don't people know when to stop?) About 5 years.
RP: OH! Well I had a cousin whose best friend's uncle's next door neighbor who was trying for like two years, and they... (select one of the following)
 -Stopped trying
 -Drank orange ginger nutmeg dog piss every day for 12 weeks
 -Went on vacation
 -Saw some random doctor who lives in a different city
 -Read some book
 -Had a miscarriage
.....and then that's when they got pregnant. You should do that too.
Me: Wow, that's great... for them....
RP: Well don't you worry sweetheart, I'm sure it will happen for you when its meant to happen (and then off they go with like four kids in tow)

Wow I sound bitter and cynical! That's honestly not the angle I'm going for. I am going more for sarcastic and edgy, with that golden serious Hallmark-moment at the end. I better find some ways to liven this post up a little bit!

I honestly believe that the folks with their advice are really trying to help and trying to give me hope. Well, I honestly believe 99% of these people are trying to do that, with absolutely no idea how often I hear this and that it really only serves as a reminder of my own failures. There is a special 1% of folks who are a) completely dense, b) total airheads who got pregnant in five minutes who don't see what's so hard about it, or c) complete assholes. I am still 100% nice to every single person, but I'm not going to say that, for that 1% of the population that I don't fantasize about gluing your car doors shut in the middle of the night.

Bottom line, after five years and four miscarriages, I still have hope. I just think of it as having busted plumbing, and I haven't fixed the pipes yet. Not only that, I find other ladies who are going through this too... on Yahoo Answers, Facebook, friends and strangers, and I try to give them hope too. I don't have much advice about how to get pregnant, at least not that you haven't heard from 1,000 different people or undoubtedly read about on a hundred websites by now. I can only share my own experiences (fertility treatment, herbal teas, positions, mental thinking, supplements, diet, exercise, voodoo, you name it).

What I hope to do: a) is vent along with you when all you really want to do is punch the woman next door's face in when she got pregnant in her first month of trying, b) laugh along with you when you're glad for a moment that you don't have kids (like when you have sex on the sofa, or sit next to a screaming kid at dinner), and c) help you find some peace in all this mess. It's taken a lot, and I still lose my cool sometimes, but I'm mostly zen about all this now. So I hope I can help heal your heart a little bit, and maybe my own while I'm at it.

So, thanks for checking this out, and please come back often!