Parent of the Year Award goes to… Someone Else. Anyone else.

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Testing hello hello, 1 2 3, come in… Anyone out there? I doubt anyone is still checking here, so this gives me a little time to ease back in. Sorry I fell off the planet. Stuff happened, and also I suck at life. Generally. Hey, this ain’t called “Fixed Kate”, after all. Probably lots to catch you up on… …but not today. So instead I’ll just share my funny, not funny, story for today. Tonight the kiddo and I run to Costco once I pick him up from the sitter. We grab a few things, and head back out to the car. I put Tuck in the front seat to “drive the car” while I unload in the back. You can probably see what’s coming next, right? Every parent on the planet, save myself, could win “guess what’s going to happen now”. Yep, Tuck locks the car doors. I close […]

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Happy Birthday To Pappy. Also, I’m Probably Getting Disowned.

So it’s my dad’s birthday this weekend, and I’ve been cruising Amazon for some little gift ideas. Fortunately my dad has a great sense of humor, and pretty much nothing (at least, not so far that I’ve found) is too low brow for him to appreciate. Unfortunately, the internet is pretty huge place and there’s a lot of low-brow ground I have yet to cover. In the past I’ve given him some pretty ridiculous gifts, but I think this year I’m just going to go completely balls out. Normally I have to venture to some dodgy sites to get the good stuff. Other times I make it myself. For example, for Christmas a few years ago I made him a t-shirt. The content of which requires some explanation… you ever see the movie the Three Amigos? There’s a scene where El Guapo is showing off his gun; he tells some […]

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That Awkward Moment When… You’re Pooping and Your Boss Walks In

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My life is absolutely FULL of those “that awkward moment when…” moments. Like, jam-packed, constantly living in a state of embarrassment, full of those moments. I’m pretty sure that about 98% of this blog going forward is going to be sharing those moments. With the intention that when you have those moments, you can look back on the shizz I’ve posted and not feel so bad when you accidentally send porn out to your entire work-team (oh wait, I already did that!). This very special little moment happened last week. My boss, who is based out of a different site than I am, came to my office for our weekly one-on-one. All went well, and she left to return to her office. I had to use the restroom, but I still wanted to wait a few minutes so we wouldn’t have that “I already said goodbye to you but now […]

We've all been there...?

I’ve Officially Become *THAT* Mom

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This weekend I took my son to our local zoo. It’s great; not too big, not too small… it’s the perfect size for everyone within 200 yards hear me scream almost profanities at my 21-month old. Oh no, I only wish I were exaggerating. Tucker, my son, has entered into the toddler “it’s freaking HILARIOUS to run away from mommy and hide even though I can hear her screaming for me!” stage. Yeah… super awesome, LOVE IT. I’m torn in a world where I love him to run, run, fast as he can so we can burn that meth or crack or whatever off that he secretly took when I wasn’t looking, so he’ll have a nice long nap when we get home and I can scour the internet for sightings of my BFF Neil Patrick Harris work on my blog or something. But in this “fast as you can” […]

Why didn't the "parenting" classes cover this...?

My Son Is Not A Predator! He’s Just… Friendly

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I’ve been saving up all these “good” ideas for posts for FOR-EV-VER, because this is a new blog and I want to put my best food forward from the start. This is not one of those good ideas. But it’s recent.  So we’ll just roll with it. First off, let’s just do away with any pretense that I’m like this natural, healthy, organic “I only cook at home so I can be sure of what’s going into my kid’s food!” moms.  My kid has been in the 10% for weight his whole life… as long as it has calories and goes into his mouth, I don’t really care THAT much. Yesterday, after a mom-and-son day at the zoo, I was hustling home to put him down for his nap before he went all Dawson’s Creek on me.  I didn’t want to have to get home and fix lunch, since he […]

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I Try Not To Plan Ahead. That’s How “Pre-Mediated” Comes Up In Court.

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Well hello there, dear Bleep. As this is a new blog, here is the obligatory first post.  Where I introduce myself and tell you all about my life and story and humor and awesomeness, and then we hold hands as butterflies get released and rainbows shoot out our b-holes.  It’s glorious, truly. Frankly, the first post freaks me out.  It’s a lot of pressure you know?  So let’s just say this… I expect this post will suck.  If I exceed your expectations, then it’s a good start.  And if you think it sucks too, well then we’re starting on the same page.  At least it can only get better then, eh? Here’s the brief summary–I’m sure I’ll have many years of blogging now in which to provide you all the gory details, but in the event you didn’t come here from Busted Plumbing (and therefore don’t know what you’re about to get yourself into), […]

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